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What approaches are informed, nurturing, unconditional, equitable, relational, & inclusive?
Safe Schools without Seclusion & Restraint: It can be done. It is being done. We are doing it.
I wonder if he's ok...
I wonder if he's ok...
If you wanted to observe your child at school, would you be able to?
Important Questions Series Video
Why would he do that?
Why would he do that?
If your child had extreme behaviors, would the adults consider their role?
Important Questions Series Video
People can be performing below typical level AND doing the best they can
Dr. Ross Greene teaches us that "kids do well if they can," that means if they aren't meeting our expectations, our job is to do the hard work of discovering what is standing in their way and solving those problems. His approach is called Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) and there is a ton of free information about it on the website Lives in the Balance. Dr. Greene is also the author of The Explosive Child, Lost at School, and Lost and Found, some of the books in my resource list. His approach introduces an important mindset shift that is life changing.
Dr. Mona Delahooke helps understand the Polyvagal Theory and the science behind behaviors. She wrote Beyond Behaviors and Brain Body Parenting. I highly recommend reading or listening to these books because they really help us understand what is going on and why traditional parenting approaches seem to work for some kids but totally don't work for others. It's not because you are a horrible parent, they are bad kids, they aren't trying, or because they aren't motivated. It's because traditional parenting approaches don't take the nervous system into account.
If you have a child who struggles with aggressive behavior, Tosha Schore can help! She is the founder of Parenting Boys Peacefully and she offers free workshops periodiaclly called Out With Aggression. If you think you are the only one with a child like this, Tosha Schore will help you realize that you are not alone and that there is a way out. She has a way of connecting to your soul and helping you discover some simple (but difficult) changes that can make a world of difference. She is also the co-author of Listen, which is a very helpful book for any parent.
Dr. Becky is a clinical psychologist who started out with a behavior-first, reward and punishment approach until she realized that it felt awful and often weren't working. She teaches us about the good inside all of us and about deeply feeling kids who often have confusing behavior. She helps us see why these kids act the way they do and how to use regulation and relationships to help them. She is also the author of the book called Good Inside. I love watching the short clips that Dr. Becky posts on Instagram. Her insights make so much sense when behaviors make no sense at all.
Guy Stephens has been a mentor to me. His generosity and energy for bringing awareness into this world is inspiring. Guy is the founder and director of the Alliance Against Seclusion & Restraint, an organization whose mission is to inform changes in policy and practice to reduce and eliminate the use of punitive discipline and outdated behavioral management approaches commonly used in school. It is not an easy task, but Guy works tirelessly toward this mission. You can see his interviews with many people in this field on AASR Live, join a book study, or check out the resources on the AASR website.
Debbie Reber is the host of the Tilt Parenting Podcast and the author of the book Differently Wired. Her podcast is great for anybody who is caring for children, but it is especially helpful for those of you who are working with kids who are neurodivergent or "differently wired." If your child just got a new diagnosis or you suspect that they will thrive in environments that are different from what the average kid seems to need, Debbie has a podcast for you. She asks great questions and approaches topics with the insight and empathy that only a parent with lived experience could offer. Check it out!
Debbie is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the founder of Bright & Quirky. She is somebody who helps us better understand those kids who are Twice Exceptional or 2e or Asynchronous Development, meaning they are gifted in some areas and have learning differences in other areas. Debbie has a weekly vlog with short clips with experts talking about anxiety, school refusal, executive functioning challenges, negative self talk, parent burnout, meltdowns, and just about everything in-between.
When I was really in the thick of it, I found that mindfulness helped me dig my way out. I know that mindfulness has been pushed on people and sometimes it is used in ways that are not very helpful. You might not be ready to explore mindfulness now or ever and that's ok. If you are curious, I invite you take 15 minutes to practice RAIN with Tara Brach. Other names to look up are Jon Kabat-Zinn or Tich Nhat Hanh who is no longer alive, but has left us great quotes. My favorite is "When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce."
Ali Turfe
Ali Turfe
Ali Turfe is one of the most generous people I've ever met. Week after week, month after month, year after year, he leads people through 8-week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) courses for free. This is such powerful stuff! If you work in a job or live in an environment that has you feeling stressed out or overwhelmed, this may be something to try someday. If you're interested, ask me for more information about the course. It is virtual, live, and even if you can't commit to the entire course, there are other options.
Daria Brown is the human behind Affect Autism which was designed to help people apply the Developmental, Individual differences, Relationship based (DIR) model. This approach believes that development happens within relationships across a lifetime through genuine affect, respect, warmth, and playful interactions. Daria hosts a free weekly live support session where you can go to get help or just know that you are not alone. She also creates videos that can be very helpful. The DIR model was developed to help children with developmental differences, but can be beneficial for all children.
Hand in Hand is a parenting approach that is based on connection and informed brain-science. Hand and Hand does not use punishments which can exacerbate problems, instead it uses 5 tools: Special Time, Setting Limits, Stay Listening, Play Listening, and Listening Partnerships. This approach, along with the 5 tools, is presented in the book Listen by Patty Wipfler and Tosha Schore. Hand in Hand has an excellent, free support community including "Ask Me Anything" parenting coaching sessions during which parents can type in a question and get a response from an instructor.
Lives in the Balance is the home of Dr. Ross Greene's Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS). It is also so much more. This site offers a variety of free resources including a School Discipline Survey, Assessment of Skills and Unsolved Problems (ASUP) and other paperwork, instructional videos, conference recordings, support for legislative change for healthier, more effective approaches in schools, training, parenting resources, and research. There are also Facebook support groups for those using the CPS approach called "Plan B."
Brain-Body Parenting
Brain-Body Parenting
If you can only read or listen to one book, I recommend Brain-Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behaviour and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids by Mona Delahooke. While this says "parenting," it is just as relevant for teachers or anybody working with children. This books makes it all makes sense. Once you understand the impact of the Polyvagal Theory on the nervous system and how that impacts behavior, helping kids becomes so much easier. If you're anything like me, this book with be a gateway to a whole new way of understanding and helping kids.
The Explosive Child
The Explosive Child
A Different Way to Learn
A Different Way to Learn
Listen
Listen
This is the book at goes with the Hand in Hand parenting approach. The 5 tools that comprise this approach focus on connection and listening to support different aspects of parenting; Special Time, Limit Setting, Stay Listening, Play Listening, and Listening Partnership. What I value so much about this approach is that it values to release of emotions so that they don't set in. Listen to this interview with Tosha Schore to learn more about the book and the tools. If you ever tried parenting approaches that just didn't feel right in your gut (shutting down emotional expression, distractions, rewards, punishments), this is a good place to go.
Permission to Feel
Permission to Feel
The Power of Showing Up
The Power of Showing Up
Self-Reg
Self-Reg
The Body Keeps the Score
The Body Keeps the Score
Beyond Behaviours
Beyond Behaviours
Lost & Found
Lost & Found
Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors
Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors
What Happened To You?
What Happened To You?
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